Reflections
by Angel of Fire SG1
Summary: Sam takes a few moments to think over the past eight years…(WARNING: Moebius Spoilers)(SJ)


**Summary: **_Sam takes a few moments to think over the past eight years…_

**Spoilers: **_Up till and including Moebius pt I_

**Pairings: **_Sam/Jack, Daniel/Janet_

**Author: **_Angel of Fire SG1_

**Rating: **_PG_

**Disclaimer: **_Not mine…seriously…would anyone really sue me for writing fan fic?_

**A/N: **_My brain is telling me to write this so it's being written…

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**_Reflections_**

The rain fell over her. It was wearing thin now, the storm almost over, but for a few minutes it had been a nice relief to the Egyptian heat. Everyone had run for shelter when the rain had started, claiming that if they stayed out the lightening would strike them as punishment from Ra.

Lt Colonel Samantha Carter sighed and looked at the Nile which lay in front of her. She thought back to high school for a moment, hearing her teacher asking her what she'd wanted to do after she had graduated. When she'd given her the list she was pretty sure 'travelling to other planets' and 'getting stuck in Ancient Egypt' hadn't been on it. Sure she'd always dreamed of travelling to other planets…

But getting stuck in Ancient Egypt was something she could have done without.

How her life had changed in the eight years she'd been a part of the SGC. She still remember walking into that first briefing room, seeing the table full of Air Force men. She'd tried to prove herself as better than them, she realised now that that had been a mistake. They didn't react well to her at the time.

She did however have better memories of meeting Daniel.

Dr Daniel Jackson, someone who had instantly become her best friend. At the time he had been so completely different. Daniel had been someone who loved his job, and didn't seem to comprehend that other people might not love it quite so much. But he'd pleasantly surprised Sam when he'd started talking about stellar drift. The loss of Sha're to the Goa'uld had shown her how he could be different, showed her a darker side to Daniel Jackson, a determined fighter who wouldn't give up at anything. Who'd fight till the end for his friends. This had deepened her respect for Daniel.

For the few years of knowing him he had been that person. The determined fighter, who loved his job more than anything, that argued about morals and ethics with anyone who stood against him, who tried to save whoever he could.

Then Sha're died.

Something had changed in Daniel that day. He'd become more withdrawn, somehow his friendship with Sam had lessened. For a small while he had even lost the will to fight the war, but it had come back. He changed dramatically within the next year. He'd lost his shaggy hair, somehow picked up a fashion sense and become a warrior. He stopped arguing about morals and ethics as much as he had, instead burying himself in his work at the SGC.

Sam knew it had been some kind of reaction to Sha're's death. He had changed, and it had taken a while for them to adjust to, but they did eventually. Her friendship with Daniel became close to what it had been in the early years, but it would never be the same. They didn't sit down and talk like they used to, didn't ring each other up on weekends and make fun of each other's constant working.

But they still had the underneath connection, the deep friendship that no one could ever stamp out, no matter what the circumstances.

And then he had died.

Sam had been shattered. The four of them, SG-1, had become such a close team. They'd been through so much and survived, she'd always thought they were protected by some kind of invisible bubble, one that no one could penetrate. The day Daniel died someone had popped that bubble. She'd felt so alone for the longest time. Jack and Teal'c burying it deep inside, not showing any emotion.

Then he came back. Helping them as an ascended being. In the situation they had been in it hadn't been possible to put aside time for comprehending what her friend had become. Instead she'd pushed aside all emotion and tried to act as thought it was completely normal.

Then he had come back.

The Daniel Jackson that returned was different. While he didn't remember anything from his time as an ascended being, he had changed. A strange calmness had taken over him, he no longer got emotional over things that would have had him jumping around and screaming years earlier. But she had always been happy enough to have her friend back.

Then there was Teal'c. She had to say that Teal'c was the strangest friend she'd ever had. They'd first met him when he was basically their prison guard, ordered to kill them, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Helping them allow thousands of prisoners to escape he'd ended up back on Earth. After a battle on Jack's behalf they had allowed Teal'c to join SG-1 and the fight against the Goa'uld.

For many years Teal'c had remained a mystery to Sam. A stoic warrior who never showed emotion, yet she knew he had a soft side, the side that had allowed him to betray his god to save thousands of people. The first time she had truly had any kind of true conversation with Teal'c was after Daniel had died. He had assured her that both him and Jack were feeling the same as her, they just showed it in different ways. His explanation had been the one to calm her down.

It was that year, when Daniel was missing, that they had developed a closer friendship. She smiled slightly at remembering him comforting her when she was upset over Jack being missing. He somehow knew exactly what to do to comfort her, even though he did not fully understand how human emotions worked.

Since then she'd had that same connection with Teal'c as she had with Daniel. A deep friendship that could not be destroyed by anything.

There of course was Janet. Janet had been her best friend, her only female friend – with the exception of Cassie – since joining the SGC. Dr Janet Frasier had always been there for her, had always talked to her when she needed someone to talk to, had always understood her completely without her having to say anything.

She felt a lump rising in her throat at the thought of her deceased friend. Janet had never deserved to die. If anyone in the SGC should have lived it should have been Janet. What had the chances been? She never went off world, Sam could count on her fingers the amount of time's she had been offworld.

But it had been enough.

While trying to save Lieutenant Simon Wells, Janet Frasier had been shot in the back by a Jaffa staff blast. Daniel had been devastated. For weeks he'd stayed silent, talking only when spoken to. Sam had an inkling that the emotions Daniel had felt for Janet had been something more than just friendship. After Sha're's death he'd been reluctant to admit to himself feelings for anyone else.

He wasn't the only one.

She sighed, her mind wandering to Jack O'Neill.

She remember the first day she'd received his mission report. Sitting at her desk in the Pentagon she opened it, and reading the name _Colonel Jack O'Neill_ she'd instantly felt some kind of strange connection. Somehow she'd known he was going to play some big part in her life. Or maybe it had been wishful thinking, knowing that if he was involved with her life then so would the Stargate.

She'd read that report at least thirty times. Taking in every word, memorising it. Of course she'd read the others reports as well, but there'd been something about Jack's that made it feel like she'd been there. Then she'd met him. His reaction to her hadn't been quite what she would have hoped for. Actually she was pretty sure he didn't like her at all when they first met.

And she didn't blame him. She was pretty sure if her present self had met her self from eight year earlier she wouldn't have liked her either.

But somehow things had changed. After their first mission they'd already formed some kind of bond, some kind of mutual respect for each other. The embarrassment she'd felt after the virus incident, only having known him a month or so at the time, and jumping him in the locker room. She'd tried to push away all memories of that moment, getting embarrassed around him everything she thought of it.

Then one day she'd stopped getting embarrassed, started to think about the situation in a different way. Started wishing that it could happen again. Of course she'd pushed away those thoughts, knowing it was completely against regulations for anything to _ever_ happen between them. He was her CO, nothing more. She spent so long trying to pretend that she felt nothing for him that it wasn't until she'd seen Hathor implant a Goa'uld into him. She'd felt something snap inside her at that moment, realising that she had feelings for him, something deeper than friendship.

She'd disobeyed orders to rescue him. And having found him was attacked by Hathor, only to have Jack throw her into the cryogenic freezer. Then he'd come back to her, grabbing her and hugging her as though there was, clinging to her. She'd wondered in that moment if he had any of the same feelings for her as she had for him. But she'd shoved it aside.

Again she'd felt the emotions arise just over half a year later when he'd disappeared. Trapped on another planet. Even then she'd tried to push away her emotions, work to get him back so they could go back to pretending as if there was nothing between them. But then Janet…

_"Do you miss him?"_

Sam had paused for a few moments before deciding to reply to her friend truthfully.

_"Yes…"_

_"Is this a problem?" Janet queried._

_"No…"_

She knew it was a lie. They both had. But there was no way she could admit it to herself, let alone to Janet, that it was a problem that he was away. It had been easier to push it away when she'd seen him with that woman, the connection between them something that she knew she could never have with him. It had hurt, but in a way it had helped her push away the emotions.

And then he'd invite her fishing. She'd been so happy when that had happened, but of course she'd turned him down, unable to allow herself to be in any kind of situation where her emotions might take over.

Then there had been the moment when everything had become clear to her.

_"Sir just go!"_

_"No!"_

The raw emotion in his voice as he shouted, the look in his eyes as they met hers. He wouldn't leave, she could see it in his eyes. But she wanted him to leave, more than she cared about making it out herself. She wouldn't prefer to die then, knowing that he was OK, than have him die there with her. She wanted him to leave.

And he refused to do so.

She felt her own emotions reflected in his eyes. She knew. He felt the same.

"Hey…"

In an instant she took in the fact that the rain was gone, drawn back to the reality that she was in Ancient Egypt, staring at the Nile, and that she was soaking wet.

She felt the owner of the voice taking a seat next to her, the sand underneath her shifting slightly.

"Hi," she replied, turning to face Jack O'Neill himself.

"Whatcha doing out here?" he asked, looking towards the Nile.

"Just thinking," Sam replied.

"Ah," he said.

She watched him for a few moments. She had made so many mistakes since her moment of realisation four years earlier. To start with she'd left it in the room, then she'd pretended it didn't exist, trying to push it away. It had worked until Daniel's death, when her emotions had completely taken over, telling her that she was being stupid by ignoring her feelings for him. Resigning to the fact that they couldn't be together she decided instead to hold on and hope that one day, after it was all over, they could be together.

Then she'd had the strange experience on the Prometheus, and had somehow stupidly decided that hallucinations knew what was best for her, and that she should move on. So she had. Her brother had set her up with his friend, a cop from Denver, Pete Shanahan.

Nothing serious…

Then she'd almost lost him again, tried to tell him how she felt. He'd stopped her. But she had finally admitted it to herself…she was in love. They'd managed to save him, and she'd felt the connection between them stronger than ever. But she wanted so much to have a normal life, to have a boyfriend, someone not connected to the SGC. Jack's recent promotion to General, her promotion to Lt Colonel, there was no chance of anything between them for a very long time.

So she'd continued her relationship with Pete, somehow hoping she'd never have to come to a decision between the two of them. Then Pete had proposed, completely shocked that she was being faced with the decision she'd hoped would never come so soon she'd frozen inside. She'd tried talking to Jack, almost asking him, hoping he would say something, make her decision for her.

Of course Jack O'Neill did nothing like that…

"How come you never said anything?" she asked, quietly.

He turned to look at her. "About what?"

"When Pete proposed…" she said, hoping he would understand the rest.

The silent 'oh' confirmed this.

"I wanted you to be happy," he replied after a few moments, his eyes focusing on the pyramid ahead of them.

She fell silent again, not quite sure how to respond to that. She knew she'd hurt him and she regretted that. It wasn't until she'd found out he was seeing someone else that she'd realised how much she'd hurt him. Wasn't until they started planning the wedding that she'd completely freaked out about marrying him.

She loved Pete, but she wasn't in love with him, not in the way she was in love with Jack. She'd made her decision, and in the process she'd hurt Pete beyond belief as well. Her last image of him walking off, tears in his eyes, pulling off the "SOLD" sign. She felt sadness rising within her, but pushed it away.

In her mind she repeated the moment they'd shared before her father had died…

_"Come here…" he said, placing his arm around her shoulder and pulling her towards her._

_She grabbed his hand with hers and pulled it towards her face, leaning against it. So many emotions were running through her at once, the feeling of sadness at the loss of her father, the emotion she was feeling towards Jack at that moment, the sudden realisation that she couldn't marry Pete…_

_But at that moment she felt safe._

_"Thank you," she said._

_"For what?" came his instant reply._

_"For being here for me," she said._

_There was a slight pause. "Always…"_

_The way the word came out meant more to her than anything she'd ever heard spoken. More than any 'I love you' anyone had ever said to her. Any kiss. Any moment. That one tiny little word exploded something inside her chest._

The feeling came to her again, overwhelming her…

"I love you."

She froze inside. Had she just said that? Out loud?

The slow movement of Jack's head turning to face her confirmed that she had said it out loud. She felt his hand touch hers, if only lightly. In the almost-dark overcast light she felt shielded from any outside viewers.

"I love you too…" he replied, the words coming out foreign.

It had been so long since he'd spoken them to anyone. But he meant it. The words weren't enough to describe the emotion that it was lain with.

After a few moments he spoke again. "Sam, how long are we going to be here?"

"To tell the truth…I have no idea, we could live out the rest of our lives here," she sighed, looking down at their hands, pressed close together in the sand.

She felt a hand on her face, at first touching it lightly, running a thumb down the side of her face until it reached her lips. She looked up in surprise. The surprise melted away as her feelings took over again. She reached up and placed her hand on his, holding it against her face.

Slowly he leaned in, the entire time watching her eyes, watching for the slightest moment of hesitation. He was still wary that she had just broken up with her fiancé. As he got closer he moved his thumb away from her lips. Just before his lips reached hers he stopped.

"Is this OK?" he asked, sounding almost nervous.

"Always," she replied, closing the distance between them.

The first touch of their lips sent electricity through Sam's body. Never before had she felt such a strong reaction to such a miniscule amount of contact.

He was the first to move his lips, kissing her softly. After a few moments he pulled back, but she followed him, continuing the kiss. She never wanted the moment to end, here was all of her dreams coming true. After what seemed like hours, but she was sure was only a few minutes, she finally pulled back.

She looked into his eyes for a few seconds, savouring the moment, and then shifted, leaning against him, feeling him put his arm around her. She felt her head leaning against his, joy taking over her worrying for a few special moments.

"Yep, definitely worth the wait," Jack muttered.

She laughed silently. That was a Jack O'Neill moment.

"Yeah…" she said.

"You're soaking wet," he reminded her.

"I'm sure the heat will dry these rags fast enough," she replied, not wanting to move.

"So, what were you thinking about before I found you?" he asked.

"Us…SG-1…how we've changed, how we're a family," she said.

"Pretty strange family," Jack added.

"None of us really have anyone else, I think we qualify as family," Sam said.

"I can deal with that…as long as you don't tell me Kinsey's my father," Jack said.

She smiled. "I doubt that…"

"Hey, now that we've screwed up the timeline anything's possible," he said, his free hand finding hers.

"Yeah…" she said, not sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Hey…sorry I shouldn't have brought it up," he said, realising how she blamed herself for this situation. "I'm sure we'll make it back, everything will be fine…"

"I hope so," she replied, closing her eyes.

"Sam…" he said quietly.

"Yes?" she said.

"Call me Jack," he said.

She squeezed his hand slightly. "OK, Jack."

She felt him kiss her on the top of the head before moving away from her and standing up, pulling her up with him.

"We should get back…" he said, nodding in the direction of the Egyptian camp.

Sam nodded in agreement and the two of them made their way back towards the Egyptians they'd been living with…

SG-1 were a family, they were her friends, they'd all made mistakes, they'd all lost people they cared about…maybe they were stuck in an impossible situation, but at least they had each other…

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**A/N: **_Hope you enjoyed – it was just bugging me to be written…:D! Reviews always appreciation ;)! _


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